Ready

I haven’t written anything here for quite a while but I have still been writing. There was a slump, I think it was due to family bereavements – I didn’t think it affected me as much as it did, but it did. I think when you lose someone, you’re not only impacted by that loss but it reminds you of all other losses that came before it too (or at least it did for me).
Another impact was the loss of a writing group that I had been attending for well over a year. I don’t deal well with change and this really set me off-balance. It was one of the few things that really helped my mental health and I had come to rely on it, when it was taken away from me, I didn’t handle it very well and my writing slumped as a result. I still wrote a few things but not as much as before.
I did, however, continue to read a lot and as I have read multiple times, this is good thing to do if you want to be a writer. Even if you don’t read critically, you invariably soak up knowledge as you go and the bonus is you enjoy yourself as you’re doing it.

The good thing is I’m staring to feel my way back to my passion in writing. I’ve started writing more as a start but I’ve also signed back up for a subscription to the Writing Magazine, as it helped me keep going in the past. I do think buying an online ticket to Cymera (Scotland’s Fantasy, Sci-Fi & Horror Fiction Festival) helped too as it’s always inspiring to hear others talk about their passion for writing. I’ve also gone back to online courses I picked up a while ago, to pick advice and hopefully, just keep me going.
Anyway, enough waffling, this is one of my latest poems:

Ready

Are you coming for me?
I’m ready,
can you not see me?
I’m ready,
set to receive you,
set in position,
curled up on the floor,
bracing.
I’m ready-set
-go on, kick me, I’m down.
I’m really
not expecting anything
better than that
because really
you’re not any
better than that.
So I’m ready
for your foot connecting.
I’m breathing
through the hurt your projecting.
I’m really
not feeling anything.
I’m really
pretending about everything.
I’m ready
for the pain, the grief, the tears
(yours, mine, theirs)
I’m ready,
I’ve been prepared for years.
I’m really
going to be okay.
(Am I really
going through this all again?)
I’m ready
but I really
don’t have to like it.
I’m ready
but I really
could do without it.
I’m ready, I’m set
so will you just fucking go?